Friday, June 3, 2011


My best friend of 10 years just moved away.  We've lived together for the last 5 years.  In the same apartment.  Tonight's the first night I've come home and he hasn't been either home, or on a short vacation.  My brain is just starting to comprehend this, and it's slowly tearing me apart inside.  There has been nothing in my life as static and familiar as he. Even now I'm finding gifts that he's left on my computer desk (seriously... as I stopped to think about what to say this sentence, I find part of a clay/plaster/I'm not sure what animal he made in the 5th grade).  I'm scared to find more, as I can barely keep from bawling as is.  He's also left the original bus ticket he had to come move to the city I was in at the time in my keyboard.  I can't even begin to fathom how a part of me has just.... up and left.  I love him so much, he was more than a brother or father to me.  We were part of each other.  He's only a few hours away, but that feels like an eternity.  I want to call in sick to work tomorrow, but I know he wouldn't want that for me.  We worked together this past two years.  More gifts... oh god.

That is all I have for the world tonight.  Hold on to those you love.  He and I, nothing can ever come between us.
He left a message on my computer for me, but I haven't read it.  I'm signing off now, because after I read it, I won't be functional on the computer for the rest of the night.   I'll be crying into my pillow.  It's better for both of us right now, but it still fucking hurts.  Until I'm back... au revoir.  And salaam.

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